I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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