return my video game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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