What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize