so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
