just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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