Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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