I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
