great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
