Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
