remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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