Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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