How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
