ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
