i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just blew my weed a kiss
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
These tits shall not be calmed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
