Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
