Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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