Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
