hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
