yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
