apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
