WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
