Im at strip club and am horny
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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