Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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