we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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