The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
