hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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