Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
