I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
