My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
