so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
