You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
