I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
