So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Are we still banned from the library?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize