Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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