it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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