just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
