I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
