I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
