Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
