Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
