and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
