It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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