Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
