i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
