I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
