At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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