The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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