i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
