I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
