it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
