Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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