Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize