Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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