On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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