can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
