Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
