He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
