just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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