I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
