thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
