I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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