Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I deserve this hangover.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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