She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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