Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize