I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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