I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
