GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i came on her dog
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
