sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
