Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
