Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
