My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize