Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
