i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
