why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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