Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize